Disorder.

I'm only just learning
there's definitely something wrong with me, but it's not something I can change.


It's like subconsciously I think my whole life is a mistake
because of how things turned out
because of how he didn't want me (he didn't want us)
and I've spent my whole life trying to correct things
by being the best I could ever be

In my mind I was never over-achieving
I was not afraid of failure

I was just afraid that all those years ago
he was right
when he said I was nothing special




It's excruciating to live with, and I'm not sure how much longer I can live like this

What do I want?

A few months ago, I wanted to graduate, with distinction. 

I've done that. Now what? 

Am I gonna keep working, or am I gonna continue studying? 

A skull a day.

Dzaki created a facebook event called 'A Skull A Day', which is basically a side project for a bunch of us from school. 

It's that simple. A skull a day. 

So since there was no size/medium/skill requirements, I decided to use a different material every day, depending on what's available to me that day eg. If I'm in a restaurant with a paper napkin and all I have is lipstick, then I'll just go for it ;) 

But so far that hasn't happened yet. Harhar. 

1. Tuesday

Felt marker on handmade paper

2. Wednesday

Floral mesh on tracing paper

(it catches light really well when held up to a window)

3. Thursday

Ink on cartridge paper

4. Friday

Corrugated cardboard 

(I tore off the smooth layer to reveal the pale 2nd layer)

5. Saturday

Chinese ink on rice paper

6. Sunday

Gesso & black marker on brown paper

As you can probably tell, I'm not going for accuracy or precision. If it kinda looks like a skull, I'm happy. Man, it doesn't even need to be a human skull. Animal skulls included ;)  I just wanna have fun experimenting with different media and techniques. After all, that's what I love doing. 

Cheers. 

Holding on.

I used to think it was difficult to live life the the fullest -- so much to do and so little time. 

But then it hit me, like a big bus on a highway -- That's precisely how it's done. 

To look at the sky more often. 

To remember the people who matter, who make you feel good about yourself. You might not see them as often as you'd like, but the times you spend together are good times.  

To invest more time and heart into my artwork, and always remember that the most important part of it is the story-telling. 

And when we have to do things we don't always enjoy (like teaching jobs), to remember to hold our heads up high and do it with conviction and pride. Or you know, at least suck it up until the end of the week ;)

And of course, a little extra cuddlin', lovin' and purrin' at the end of the day goes a long way <3

Yes, I hope I never forget to remember. 

Wearing Thin.

Its been a difficult week. Teaching has started to become a chore. I'm fighting to keep my voice under control, and forcing myself to wake up super early every day. I don't know how much longer this should drag on, before I've had enough. I want to move on with my life.

But its not all grey skies and thunderclouds. Dzaki's been an angel to me, giving the best backrubs and saying the sweetest most encouraging things. What will I do when he goes to NS? Man, I hate thinking about it.

But good news, I found a university that I'd like to study at. Its only in Eindhoven, the town next to the town next to where Jan lives. It'll be great since I'll be surrounded by people I know, what with Jan's relatives living so close in surrounding towns. Plus, this university claims to be the best design academy in the world. Can I make it in? :/

In Motion!

Woohoo! My Sculpture Square Resiidency has commenced!

It feels great to be given this opportunity to create and exhibit my work under their roof. I can't wait for it all to begin. Super exciting =]

Today was a bit of a tough teaching day in school. Their poorly stocked art room and faraway bookshop & staff room wore me out, if it wasn't all the screaming and shouting at misbehaving children. Maybe I'm doing this the wrong way. Perhaps to tame the monkeys, I need to have the right bananas? -hint-

Well, hopefully I'll be a little more prepared tomorrow. I've got three lessons in under 6 hours. Wish me luck!

Meanwhile, I just discovered this website called Ikea Hackers. It's this cool website where people post pictures of Ikea furniture that they've recycled and remodeled to suit their needs and wants. There are some really creative and inspiring ones that stand out! Hm, maybe next Tuesday I'll take a little trip to Ikea to see what I can pick up.

Why Tuesday? Of course, it's half-priced meatballs day ;)

Falling Behind

Well now. 

It seems like the whole 'blog once a day' thing didn't quite work out for me. That's because I've started work as a freelance art instructor in River Valley Primary. Its rather unfortunate that one of their full-time teachers is terminally ill, and often on medical leave. As such, the kids are sort of left to be taught by all kinds of teachers from all kinds of places, often changing on a weekly basis. I hope I can keep teaching these classes until the end of the year, or at least until their real teacher returns well and healthy. 

Many other things have happened outside my work life, though. Exciting, pleasant things =] 

I had lunch with my sister and her friends at Pizza Hut. Apparently, they switched up their entire menu to seem more 'sophisticated' to boost their image as a 'fast food outlet'. Well, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't fantastic either. I guess for 7 bucks for pasta, soup and a drink, that's as good as its gonna get.

I've started an etsy shop, to try and sell my work (although, I don't have much to sell, and haven't exactly made a name for myself. And having just two things in the shop isn't much help either) but oh well, its part of my efforts to be adventurous =D 

I miss going to the beach. The last time I went was with Poodee. We had a blast cycling (and sore bums afterwards but totally worth it) and made it to the nearby Parkway Parade shopping centre to have cheap pasta. It's nice to know that after almost 7 years of knowing her, and even though we don't see each other very often, we're still such friends. 

Well friends, I'm planning to have a grand picnic at the beach some time this week with my sister, Dzaki, and whoever else we know. Just us, the sun, the sea, and good food. I hope I get round to planning it...

I'll try to update more often. Especially with crafty ideas and DIY tutorials, what with my new lesson plans for the kids. But I need to know: Is anyone actually reading this? =/