Disorder.

I'm only just learning
there's definitely something wrong with me, but it's not something I can change.


It's like subconsciously I think my whole life is a mistake
because of how things turned out
because of how he didn't want me (he didn't want us)
and I've spent my whole life trying to correct things
by being the best I could ever be

In my mind I was never over-achieving
I was not afraid of failure

I was just afraid that all those years ago
he was right
when he said I was nothing special




It's excruciating to live with, and I'm not sure how much longer I can live like this